Ayuthaya: The Un-Googlables

Here are the photos you can't google and the moments you can't relive. 
passing stranger


THB 15 adventure


entryway


humble


looking up 


why they call them ruins


"this area for monks only"


not blending in 


passing snacks


con(temple)ating


the head in the right place


Gab


role model


mood


forgotten pieces


cruel cruel abuse


i just wanted a picture of the crocs


a rare shot of no people


smirk


triumphant


nama-stay here and got to sleep


a-cute-thaya 


serene

Turmeric or flowers
My kind of gold.
“This area for monks only”
May the ancient never grow old
Aesthetically pleasing and
The photogenic.
The homemade food
Redefining what’s hygienic.
The drinks are cheap
But train tickets are cheaper
Left the familiar for unknown,
Now that woman’s a keeper.


​
I'm no longer asking: Why is this happening to me?
I'm now asking: What is this teaching me?

It's been two months now. I can't believe I only have four left. I keep having the same conversation: "I didn't think I would like Bangkok but here I am. Its nothing like the cities I've been in ... LA, New York, .... Bangkok is affordable, the food is delicious, I'm not broke, the people truly try their best to help when you ask, and it is beyond easy to get around." But here I am struggling. It's not that my job is hard, it's being alone. 

Not loneliness, it's just the one-woman-show that never ends. On-going self reliance can't be taught and the only option is to swim, not sink. Maybe I hit a wall, maybe I'm hormonal, or maybe this is just really fucking hard sometimes but I've found hard skin growing on me, and an increasingly decrease in moments where I am soft and gentle and emotionally vulnerable. I guess that is a good thing, some may disagree. But, this is what I've been waiting for since adding this move to my life map: an intense period of sitting with myself and hearing only my thoughts. An opportunity to encounter who I become when the unexpected happens.  It's serious, it's scary, it's intense, it's exciting, and it's stimulating, all at once all of the time.  

Maybe I'll discover my self soon. 

Comments

  1. Kristen UrbanSeptember 17, 2018 at 4:48 PM

    That last paragraph is EVERYthing, Cass. You have always proven to be beyond your years but this experience is catapulting you beyond measure. I love your words. They are raw and beautiful just like you.

    ReplyDelete

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