stay stimulated

I feel like I have ran a million miles away from home and are now glancing back at the length of path I need to follow to find deep rest. Quite an unsettling distance. Perhaps I'd better just find comfort in where I am. No need to rush home. It's not going anywhere.  That isn't what I meant to convey.  It's not a feeling of rush or urgency that pulls my heart. It's the amount of time I need to spend alone, the amount of time it will take to not feel alone.  That  is the tug on my heart, comparable to a rope tied onto the leg of a racehorse, a speeding train, or falling boulders.   I'm having a hard time loving hard and loving deeply into those around me, and even myself, when my roots are 10 feet deep in another country. I've got nothing here in Thailand but ginger, fragile roots and I'm growing tired of struggling to find something to grip onto and water to drink.  Perhaps I'm just lonely.  Well that is an easy fix, I'll pu...

I haven't written in awhile. Honestly didn't want to sit down and format on my laptop, let alone unpack my thoughts. My eyes always feel burnt, my body is exhausted, and I've already used my allotted chunk of thought for the day. I won't write everything, I'm beyond trying to remember every detail, place, and face. I'll repost what I wrote when rhetoric hit me at every moment outside of the ones where I am in front of a screen... January.   I re-centered myself. I logged off. I did a lot of yoga and prioritized sleep.  I started making art again but I was unsatisfied. I was numb, unaware I was nauseous with homesickness. January 18 Isn’t it funny when your shadow of reality - the one standing right next to you all this time - slaps you in the face and you have the gall to be surprised.  It just hit me that one day I won’t live in Bangkok. That one day, in the relatively near future, I won’t be “the girl that lives across the world.” I’ll just be your...